It’s Not About the Wedding – Chapter 4 – It’s Not About the Proposal

This is the 4th in a series of 16 chapters from a new manuscript I am working on called It’s Not About the Wedding: A Common Sense Guide to Getting it Right the First Time, or Any Time.  I would love to receive any and all positive or negative feedback on this topic, particularly from those of you who are perhaps currently engaged to be married!  Stay tuned for subsequent chapters to follow…

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Did you hear the true story about the 28-year-old Londoner who thought he had the most romantic idea for proposing to his girlfriend?  First, he spent $12,000 on a very impressive engagement ring.  Next, he decided to hide the ring inside a balloon filled with helium, figuring he would ask her to pop the balloon after he popped the question.  Finally, upon leaving the jewelry store with the ring inside the balloon, he accidentally let it go.  There he stood, watching the balloon, and the ring, disappear into the sky.  To my knowledge, the ring was never found, and the girlfriend wouldn’t even speak to the poor guy until he bought her another ring.  Clearly, her love for him was bigger than any little ring.  I wonder if they’re still together…

Admittedly, some men spend a lot of time thinking about how they will propose.  It’s just another stressful situation that doesn’t need to be that way.  The methods are endless, ranging from simply getting down on one knee to splashing your “no pressure” question across the JumboTron at a sporting event.  I have a friend in Tennessee who sent his girlfriend on a “girl’s weekend” to New York City in the dead of winter.  He then snuck up to NYC himself and waited what ended up being several hours at the top of a very chilly Empire State Building until her friends (who were in on it) brought her up.  There, in the footsteps of Tom Hanks, he got down on one knee and proposed.  Sure, he ruined it for the rest of us, but he clearly showed the lengths to which he would go to prove his love.

Honestly, I kind of got tired of trying to think of the perfect proposal.  It got to the point where I just knew it was time, and I couldn’t wait any longer.  My proposal was far from perfect.  It will never be reenacted in a feature film.  She and I may not even remember the details when we’re old.  Still, right there in her bedroom, after giving her a cheesy card I made myself, I let her know how much I loved her, and how much I wanted to spend my life with her.  She said, “Yes!”

Men, don’t get too hung up on the details.  More importantly, don’t think of the proposal as you promising her this amazingly romantic and perfectly fulfilling life.  That is a promise upon which you can never deliver.  Instead, think of the proposal as a way of saying, “This, this is what I want.  What we already have.  Right here, right now.  I have already found it.  Please let me keep it forever.”

Ladies, I know that you were all little girls once, and little girls do dream, don’t they?  You’ve grown up with a vision of your white knight.  You’ve seen the movies and read the novels.  That may even be your friend at the top of the Empire State Building living the dream.  Not every man is Mr. Romantic.  Some are not very creative.  Some believe you really want it on the JumboTron.  Find the man you love and don’t pressure him.  If you truly love him, and make him feel loved, he will be pulled down onto that one knee by forces he never knew existed!

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~ by suitenectar on August 30, 2010.

One Response to “It’s Not About the Wedding – Chapter 4 – It’s Not About the Proposal”

  1. When I read this, Google analytics – had to be analytics, as opposed to Google people – put an ad for Brilliant Earth eco friendly Canadian diamonds at the bottom, with a picture of a huge rock and little ones all the way around the band… How analytically oxy-moronic.

    Dave in Olathe

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