Pun Intended

PUN INTENDED

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but
don’t start anything.”

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar.  One was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste
funny to you?”

7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'” “That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
“I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says
Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find
any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
“Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you
can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says
“Dam!”

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too. (boo hiss)

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain ;
they name him “Juan.” Year’s later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re
twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)….. A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

As with all of my “keepers”, I did not write this.  I simply found it to be worthy of sharing.

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~ by suitenectar on December 28, 2010.

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